When I was in elementary school, I was chubby. I had a haircut that made my head look like a little mushroom. I didn’t get out of my own house much, so I was weird. Therefore, I was bullied. So many people experience bullying while in school, and more recently, cyberbullying has encouraged relentless online harassment.
I read The Atlantic article, “Confronting My Cyberbully, 13 Years Later” by Francie Diep. At age 13, Diep experienced cyberbullying by her former best friend who hacked into her email account and set up calendar reminders that read, “Kill Myself Today,” or “Jump in the River Today.”
After ten years of dwelling on these instances, Diep became friends with her former bully on Facebook. Even though she hadn’t been sent a suicide note for a long time, seeing photos of the girl continued to give her anxiety. When she started attempting to contact her former bullying, she experienced instances of hyperventilating.
I’m currently taking Psych 532: Psychological Effects of the Internet, and we’ve recently learned about some of the psychosocial principles that trigger aggression. Individuals who act angrily because of cuts to their self-esteem typically have a low self-esteem, themselves. If kids do not have healthy ways of coping with threats to their self-esteem, they will lash out at other children.
In Diep’s article, her former friend began sending her these reminders because something broke up their friendship. Diep’s bully, who at the time was an extremely popular middle schooler, saw this falling out as a threat to her self-esteem. Because she had no way of dealing with this loss of a friend in a healthy way, she immediately began displaying aggression toward Diep.
If you, yourself experience bullying, when you think about a person who has been rude to you, it’s important to remember that the way people treat you reflects their own character. They have a low self-esteem, so rather than dealing with their emotions on their own, they take out their problems on you. It almost always has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
Imagine that if every time someone intentionally hurt you emotionally, rather than reacting to their aggression, you could simply think, “Oh, you have a low self-esteem, and the only way you can cope with your emotions is being a complete nincompoop.”
We live in a world of people who deal with their problems by cutting other people down, and it sucks. Why can’t bullies just eat emotionally or drink their feelings away like everyone else?
This problem of bullying caused by an inability to cope with one’s emotions leads to major problems for bullying among young people. Because the large majority of children, teenagers, and young adults have not developed coping mechanisms for their feelings, they tend to harass others.
Additionally, when a blow to one’s self-esteem is made in public, for instance, in a classroom or on the playground, that individual now has an audience. According to Social Psychology by Eliot Smith and Diane Mackie, an audience can make aggressive responses much more likely.
When I was in kindergarten, my fellow classmates did not like me. People dealt with the feelings of hatred toward me by bullying me. At one point, a kid told me that I was the fattest girl in the world.
Another girl asked me to go in her house and weigh myself before I rode in her tiny electric car because she didn’t think it would be able to handle my weight. I continued to hear similar insults for years.
Now that high school is over, I still remember everything. How is it that these words have stuck in my mind for so long?
Although I don’t experience anxiety in the same way as the author of, “Confronting My Cyberbully, 13 Years Later,” I have continued to perceive myself as fat ever since I heard those first insults. It has followed me for my whole life.
“I am sick of seeing people who think they can get away with breaking someone’s confidence and planting seeds of self-hate into someone’s head.” This quote came from an article from The Atlantic of 2015 by Emily Bazelon. We will never be able to step into every child’s home and fix every problem there. We will never be able to give every child the counseling they need to be able to cope with their problems.
Bullying will continue for years to come, but children, teenagers, and adults need to know and be aware of the resources available to them for reporting instances of bullying. Supporting people who endure bullying and harassment by those around them deserve to feel supported, especially in schools, in the work place, and even online. If you see an instance of cyberbullying, flag the post. If you see a co-worker being harassed, remind them of the systems in place for reporting those instances. Remind your kids to stand up for their fellow classmates and alert teachers when instances of bullying occur.